Leadership & Criticism

Like a coating of glaze over earthenware
are fervent lips with an evil heart. Proverbs 6:23

A lying tongue hates those it hurts,
and a flattering mouth works ruin. Proverbs 6:28

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
someone else, and not your own lips. Proverbs 27:2

Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses. Proverbs 27:6

The section of Proverbs from 6:23-27:6 has some profound things to say about effective leadership. One theme of this passage is to warn against living for the praise of others.

The wise man is motivated by the fear of God and the pursuit of wisdom (Proverbs 1;7; 3:11-18). When we are motivated by the praise of others we lose the ability to be biblically objective. We lose our ability to be effective leaders. If a husband is focused on receiving praise he will be angry or disappointed when he receives criticism. If his wife does not praise him he may become discouraged and even angry because he believes he is not being appreciated. Here is the warning: if you live for praise your leadership will not be productive. Let’s see how these four verses illustrate this.

Like a coating of glaze over earthenware
are fervent lips with an evil heart. (Proverbs 6:23)

The glaze over a piece of earthenware may conceal some inward flaws. This analogy shows that fervent lips (smooth lips) conceal an evil heart. Don’t trust smooth sounding praises; they often cover an evil intent.

A lying tongue hates those it hurts,
and a flattering mouth works ruin. (Proverbs 6:28)

In this proverb flattery is likened to a lying tongue. Don’t trust flattery. Flattery brings disaster upon those who listen to it as well upon the flatterer.

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
someone else, and not your own lips. (Proverbs 27:2)

This proverb instructs the wise man to not seek praise from those close to him. Both Bruce Waltke and Tremper Longman in their respective commentaries on Proverbs translate this verse this way:

Let a stranger and not your own mouth praise you, an outsider and not your own lips.

Godly leaders should not be looking for praise from those they serve. It is too easy for us to drop hints that we would really like some appreciation for our efforts. Something like, “Well dear, it took me all day and I had to give up what I really wanted to do, but I just wanted to do this for you anyway.” The use of the word stranger indicates that if a man really is focused on honoring God, even a stranger will hear of his wisdom and bring praise when it is least expected. There is no need to prompt others to herald our praises.

• You shouldn’t trust the lying tongue of flattery, but you should “let another praise you and not your own mouth.” How do you distinguish between flattery and legitimate praise?

Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

This last proverb sums it up for us. Although we can’t trust the flattery and praise of others, we should trust the hard things we hear. For example, one of the ways wives can help their husbands most effectively is to tell them the difficult things they need to hear—the wounds from a friend. If a husband is looking for praise he will not welcome his wife’s criticism. But constructive criticism (even when it hurts) that comes from our wives and children is to be welcomed. Why? Because a man who is motivated by the fear of the Lord and the pursuit of wisdom will rejoice at information that will make him a better husband and father.

So there is no need to fear the criticism of others. Because the wise man is dominated by his love of God and wisdom he takes every opportunity to grow in these areas. How valuable are the wounds of a friend to you? Such wounds are gifts from God.

• Do you have friends who give you “faithful wounds”? How do you respond when a friend who gives you such a wound? Does your reaction discourage them from doing it again?
• Are you a friend who is willing to give loving wounds? If not, what holds you back? Is there someone you know right now who needs your constructive criticism? What are you going to do about it?